🧠Mental Health••4 min read

When Your Primary Schooler Gets Anxious: A Dad's Guide to Helping

Anxiety in primary school kids is more common than you think. Here's how to spot it, talk about it, and help — without making it worse.

By NetDads
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Your 7-year-old doesn't want to go to school. Your 9-year-old is having stomachaches every Sunday evening. Your 8-year-old cries at bedtime because they're worried about "everything."

Welcome to childhood anxiety. It's more common than most dads realise — and it's not because you're doing anything wrong.

How common is it?

Around 1 in 8 children in the UK will experience a mental health difficulty, with anxiety being the most common. According to NHS Digital data, rates have risen significantly since 2017, and the post-pandemic generation of primary schoolers has been particularly affected.

This isn't "kids being soft." Their brains are developing rapidly between ages 6 and 10, and they're processing a lot: school expectations, friendships, social comparison, and an increasingly complex world.

What anxiety looks like at this age

Kids this age rarely say "I feel anxious." Instead, you'll see:

Physical symptoms:

  • Stomach aches, headaches, or feeling sick — especially before school or events
  • Trouble sleeping or nightmares
  • Changes in appetite
  • Needing the toilet more often

Behavioural signs:

  • Clinginess or not wanting you to leave
  • Refusing school or activities they used to enjoy
  • Meltdowns over seemingly small things
  • Excessive worrying about "what if" scenarios
  • Perfectionism — refusing to try things in case they fail

Social changes:

  • Avoiding playdates or parties
  • Withdrawing from friends
  • Getting upset about minor changes to routine

What NOT to do (even though it's tempting)

Don't dismiss it

"There's nothing to worry about" might seem reassuring, but to an anxious child, it feels like you're saying their feelings aren't real. They know it's not logical. That's what makes it frightening.

Don't avoid the trigger

If they're scared of school, keeping them home feels kind. But avoidance teaches their brain that the fear was justified. It makes anxiety grow, not shrink.

Don't get frustrated

Yes, you're going to be late for work because they won't put their shoes on. Yes, it's exhausting. But anger escalates anxiety. Take a breath.

What actually helps

1. Name it together

"It sounds like your brain is doing that worrying thing again." Give anxiety a name — some kids call it their "worry monster" or "brain alarm." Externalising it helps them feel less overwhelmed.

2. Validate first, problem-solve second

"I can see you're really worried about the test. That sounds tough." Let them feel heard before jumping to solutions. Most dads want to fix things immediately — this is one time when listening comes first.

3. The "what's the worst that could happen?" technique

Walk through their fear step by step:

  • "What's the worst that could happen?"
  • "And if that happened, what would you do?"
  • "Has that ever actually happened before?"

This teaches them to challenge anxious thoughts rather than accept them as truth.

4. Gradual exposure

If they're avoiding something, help them face it in small steps. Scared of swimming lessons? Visit the pool just to watch. Then sit by the side. Then paddle. Small victories build confidence.

5. Build a worry routine

Set aside 10 minutes after dinner as "worry time." They can tell you everything they're worried about. Write them down. Outside of worry time, if they bring up a worry, gently say "Let's save that for worry time." This stops anxiety dominating the whole day.

6. Model your own coping

"I felt a bit nervous about my meeting today, so I took some deep breaths and reminded myself I'd prepared." Kids learn more from watching you handle stress than from any lecture.

When to get professional help

See your GP if:

  • Anxiety is stopping them from going to school regularly
  • They're having panic attacks (rapid breathing, chest tightness, feeling like they're dying)
  • Physical symptoms are persistent and affecting daily life
  • The anxiety has lasted more than a few weeks and isn't improving
  • You're worried about self-harm

Your GP can refer to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) or local wellbeing services. Waiting lists can be long, so ask early if you're concerned.

Useful resources

  • Young Minds Parents Helpline: 0808 802 5544 (free, weekdays)
  • Childline: 0800 1111 (free, for your child to call)
  • Place2Be: place2be.org.uk — school-based mental health charity
  • Anna Freud Centre: annafreud.org — resources for children's mental health
  • NHS Every Mind Matters: nhs.uk/every-mind-matters

FAQ

Is anxiety in kids a sign of bad parenting?

Absolutely not. Anxiety has genetic, temperamental, and environmental components. Some kids are wired to be more cautious — it's a personality trait, not a parenting failure. How you respond to their anxiety matters far more than whether they experience it.

Should I tell the school?

Yes. Let their class teacher know what you're seeing at home. Schools often have learning mentors, emotional literacy support, or ELSA (Emotional Literacy Support Assistant) programmes. A quick chat can make a real difference.

Will they grow out of it?

Some children do, especially with the right support. But untreated childhood anxiety can persist into adolescence and adulthood. Early intervention — even just the strategies above — gives them the best chance of managing it well.

Anxiety doesn't mean your child is broken. It means their alarm system is a bit too sensitive. And with the right support, they can learn to turn the volume down.